Dot Matrix Printers

I hate the computer lab at my college, KUSOM. Most machines are antiquated. The computers are infested with every conceivable viruses and worms (even outdated ones). And the ventilation is bad. I hate the printers the most. Their ceaseless high-pitched chatters even reach the library across the hall. Once when one of them ate my A4s I was so worked up that I took the ribbon out and tore them to shreds... I was left with inky hands, but the printer lost its tongue. It was a worthy gambit.

At times like these, I try to recall the frustrations endured by those nerd-heroes in Office Space- if you haven't watched the movie, I'll tell you one scene- the guys get so frantic when their copier (or was it the fax machine?) acts up that they smuggle it away from the office, stash it in the trunk of the car, and drive to a deserted place. They then drag the machine out, grab their baseball bats, and proceed to clobber it to death. After a while, you can see the entrails of the copier- wires and cables- looked quite nasty. The whole scene was executed much like how a trouble maker is put to death by the mafia.

So anyway, I have devised a smart way of communicating with these suckers. I discovered that when i talk to them humanely, and pat them while they print, they do it nicely, without any hitch. After the job is done, I curse them for making me have to talk to a machine. The next time I go to print, they will not be holding any grudges, and I establish an instant rapport. After all, printers have very limited memories (just the spooler).