When Ants Go Marchin' in Your Space

"The next time you espy a wayward ant on your book or workspace, before you start getting antsy, recall the technique that has been perfected by the science crusaders."
Findings show that it is frustrating that ants are too tiny to be blown away by our exhalations. This frustration is much deep-rooted than we think. It starts from spotting an ant in our private space, and usually lingers on the subconscious so that the next time we see another ant, we experience a new round of frustration just from reflecting the fact that we were unsuccessful at getting rid of the ant in the previous encounter.
Stink it up
There have been many studies done to ease this woe. Antoine, one of the Wacky Boys at Pradhan Labs, had been working on the StinkIt project. The project entailed a subject ingesting something foul and emitting an odorous breath over the ant. The objective is to make the ant faint from the stench, and thereafter to flick it off by the nail of one's left pinkie. Test items to be ingested included raw garlic cloves, and glasses of bagmati water and local liquor. However, the stink was too overwhelming and caused some human casualty. Also, more resistant ants were instead barfing up, adding to the stench. It was a big olfactory mess. StinkIt had to be defunded.

Brewing Oral Storms
The other option is obviously to blow the ant away from the surface. One complication is that the ants sense the storm before it hits them. They take to crouching onto the ground, after which no amount of force can move them. In fact, Anton Ground, a mathematician, proved that if the air-force is sufficiently powerful, the book on which the ant is holding its stance will first get blown away.
(pic: The Crouch Posture)

The Violent Blow
In June 2005, Antoine, the same engineer of the Wacky Boys fame, upped the ante. He devised another ant-ridding technique, whose effectiveness has wowed even his badmouthers (bad pun) and allowed him to once again ride the celebrity waves. He reasserted that the power to rid of ants still lies in our own breath. His Violent Blow method is the best so far (success rate of 97.8% ).
How: You have to be systematic about the blowing affair. After you decide that you would like the bug off your space, take a deep breath and pause momentarily. This is to dispel the Anticipation that you are about to let out a tempest. If you at all watch NatGeo, you might realize that an Antennae is very sensitive to micro-changes in the air densities around it. It can detect even the gentlest inhalation of air. (See pic below)









While you're holding your breath, see whether you can sense that the ant is still suspicious of something black in the lentils. After ensuring that it has let down its guards, in a 'Pphu', let out your breath all in one violent go. The faster you let go the better. If your breath's acceleration surpasses the AntFlight threshold, the ant will be successfully airlifted.
The 2.2% probability of backfiring is attributable to the chances of following occurring:
1. During the Pphu delivery, sometimes your throat constricts involuntarily. Air then tries to vent out from your nostrils, which seriously undermines the power of your blow.
2. During the Pphu, random misfires in synaptic nervous transmissions from your brain can cause your body muscles (especially in your arms and neck) to jerk. This will not foil your plan unless your bodily movement scares the ant, who will promptly assume a tighter Crouch.
3. After you pause in breath to chase away the suspicion, you might sometimes totally forget to exhale. This is a dangerous possibility, since your lungs, your blood vessels, and eventually your brain become devoid of oxygen, and consequently you experience rapid cellular atrophy. You are therefore advised to keep your mental cool, and practice the inhale-pause-exhale routine several times during the day. Youngsters below 12 years of age are strongly advised not to perform this method.
4. Sometimes, the ant is better equipped with extra-grip shoes. This greatly enhances the static friction between it and the surface it walks on. Here, you have no option but to plug in an electric blower to blast out a high-power wind. One dirty alternative is the PinkieFlick maneuver that I have already discussed above.
The Humane Way
If animal rights is your thing, place a few sugar granules on a liftable object (e.g., a postcard, a plastic sheet- make sure the surface is glossy and slippery). Then wait for the ant's antenna to pick up the sweet signals. Once the ant walks on the smooth grounds, you can pick up the object, point it to your trashcan, and blow the ant into the can. The success rate is not that high and this process can take a lot of time.
Spotting the bug can be quite an 'ants in your pants' experience. However, with the proper techniques, you will only feel sorry for the ant.