Some Hilarious One-Liners

Thinkers:
**Guy walks into a bar...
and says Ouch.
** A termite walks into a bar...
and says: Is the bar tender here?
**Whats brown and sticky?
A Stick
**I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
**How do you stop a fish from smelling? #Cut its nose off
**What did hitler say to his men before thy got into their tanks?
... Get into your tanks
**2 goldfish in a tank. One turns to the others and says:
Jesus, how do you drive this thing?
**Who is the leader of the hankies?
The hankerchief

Groan. Yuckies:
**What has two legs and bleeds ?
Half a dog.
**Whats the last thing that comes into a flys head as he hits a car windscreen?
His Ass
**What's yellow and smells like bananas?
Monkey Vomit! (yuckkkkk!!)
** Did you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil, but it came out in logs.
**Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them
**I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
**Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms
** Who pushed Johnny off the cliff? Not Sally

Sillies:
**What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
** why did the one armed man cross the road
to get to the second hand shop
**Why did the rooster cross the road?
to prove he wasnt a chicken
Patient: Doctor, doctor I can't feel my legs.
Doctor: Thats because I amputated your arms.
Where does the General keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!!!!!
**A blind walks into a shop with a dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind. 'Just looking.'
**Did you hear what happened to that paper shop up town?

It blew away.

Why did the fly fly ?
Because the spider spied 'er