Dot Matrix Printers

I hate the computer lab at my college, KUSOM. Most machines are antiquated. The computers are infested with every conceivable viruses and worms (even outdated ones). And the ventilation is bad. I hate the printers the most. Their ceaseless high-pitched chatters even reach the library across the hall. Once when one of them ate my A4s I was so worked up that I took the ribbon out and tore them to shreds... I was left with inky hands, but the printer lost its tongue. It was a worthy gambit.

At times like these, I try to recall the frustrations endured by those nerd-heroes in Office Space- if you haven't watched the movie, I'll tell you one scene- the guys get so frantic when their copier (or was it the fax machine?) acts up that they smuggle it away from the office, stash it in the trunk of the car, and drive to a deserted place. They then drag the machine out, grab their baseball bats, and proceed to clobber it to death. After a while, you can see the entrails of the copier- wires and cables- looked quite nasty. The whole scene was executed much like how a trouble maker is put to death by the mafia.

So anyway, I have devised a smart way of communicating with these suckers. I discovered that when i talk to them humanely, and pat them while they print, they do it nicely, without any hitch. After the job is done, I curse them for making me have to talk to a machine. The next time I go to print, they will not be holding any grudges, and I establish an instant rapport. After all, printers have very limited memories (just the spooler).

My Neighborhood

I live in Kupondol, about 40 meters from the banks of Bagmati, and maybe about 200 meters east from the Kupondol-Thapathali bridge. We initially shared a dusty road that branched from the main road towards the 'holy' river. There was a major road-making project that left us with a bumpy dusty/muddy road all along the banks of the river. And since some influential person shares the road as well, the road was recently tar-topped.

Explosive Sneezer

Our neighborhood is quite an unhappening place. Our house faces a pink house. Nobody lives there except for a housekeeper. From what I hear from my room, he:

1) Sneezes violently, much like: hhHHhaintshyaa!

As if his oesophagus just exploded. Sometimes when it is very quiet in the evenings, the explosion can be quite startling.

2) Has a special liking for folk music. He uses a special device, which I imagine to be a folded piece of paper or leaf (through which he probably blows air to make that sound- I have yet to figure out how he alters the pitch).

The owner of the pink house stops by to check on things, annoyingly at 11 pm on his bike. He has a habit of revving up the engine, blowing his horn in a staccato and bumping the bike onto the clangy iron gate to hurry the keeper to let him in. After a minute or two, I hear the rumble of the opening gates, and the habitual exclaiming of the owner "Been sleeping, budho? Tyattika ber horn bajayeko sunena”. I at times feel tempted to remind him, maybe in a gentler tone, that I for one heard him right.

The owner runs the billboard/hoarding board business. You can make out some remnants on the lawn. We also hear the incessant sounds of drilling welding and hammering. And the workers either start work late in the afternoon or work till late- whichever of the two, they’re quite busy until it is too dark to work further.

The White House

The pink house faces a large white house. Ok- this owner of the house is quite a character. He used to host gambling activities, and engage in loud brawls, uttering foul words that were embarrassing to hear. Although, he has gotten quite tamer. However, he is still far from indiscreet. And he is obsessed with the timings of water supply. He is the first to know in the 'tole' when ‘water has come’, and reminds everyone by liberally hosing his terrace. And his current agenda is cultivation; he has cleared a portion of adjacent unused land which belongs to Prasuti Griha. The land is overgrown with inviting marijuana bushes. One thing about him that I abhor is his burning of his waste (including plastic) in his own compound. Arghh! It’s worse than being next to a smoker. I considered confronting him, but quickly thought against it. After all, he is one hell of a loudmouther. I hate being yelled at.

The Red House

The White house is abutted on the other side by a red-bricked house. This house clearly has more servant-girls (or as my Marketing instructor liked to euphemize it, “domestic helps”) than the members in the family. The owner owns a Proton and also likes to honk the horn until one of the girls rushes to open the gate.

Music

There is a bhajan mandali somewhere along the banks of the river, the exact location of which has still confounded me. If I do locate the place, I will most certainly wring the necks of at least one of those harmonically challengeds. Picture this scenario, every evening: a guy proceeds to send his eulogy to God through his harmonium, by playing the same tune over and over. To gather a wider audience, he employs a loudspeaker. I hear the voice loud and clear. Why couldn’t it be Ani Choying Dolma? And I end up tormenting myself by unconsciously playing the annoying tune in my head repeatedly.

The Smell

In winter, Bagmati slows down greatly until she's scarcely flowing at all. During that time, and when the wind flows in the right direction, we have quite an enriching olfactory experience. However, during monsoon, she menstruates and gets rid of all the foul substances deposited in her bed, and the smell disappears.

So this is the place in which I grew up- I have spent about 14 years here. You might now exclaim “Ah! So that’s how he got his oddity!”.

A view of one of the eastern hills from our terrace right after a downpour.

Harry Potter

I got hold of this Harry Potter series dvd, and I was bored one day, so watched all. J.K. Rowling has created this fantasy world where 'petrification' is a deadly threat to life, and being a Witch might mean a privilege. In the first movie, Sorcerer's Stone, there were interesting things, like chocolate frogs, Quidditch, and different versions of broomsticks (Nimbus 2000). But the story was too childish for me. Harry Potter is an orphan, so Rowling makes sure he gets all the good things in life. And some characters were quite cheesy: that Malfroy kid and Professor Snape.

However, I liked Chamber of secrets, and loved Prisoner of Azkaban. The magical world seemed to be more unpredictable (and hence better) after every volume. It gets darker and more mature, along with the characters in it. There are instances of death, kill, and murder. The apparent slaying of hippogriff Buckbeak, for example, might seem quite harsh for those who loved the Sorcerer's Stone.

There was also a tasty helping of time travel in the story, (the part in which Harry saves himself was interesting). The sad part of it was that this is not the only time that Harry feels tantalizingly close to meeting his parents (other one being seeing them in the mirror in the Sorcerer's stone).

Funny Lines
It was a pirated dvd. I had the subtitles on, as the names were getting complicated. To illustrate what good job the subtitlers have done, I have listed some of the translations. Not to prove any point, but just for the hilarity. The blue words are what it ought to say, and the words in green are what the subtitles read:

Ron: Oh no. The invisibility booster (in the flying car) must be faulty.
Oh no. We must be flowing.

What an extraordinary moment this is.
What a strong man he is.

he has no idea he will be leaving with my enire collective works.
... with my hectic work.

I'm going to check on the (some name) potion.
I'm going to check the patient.

Ron: (tasting the potion) Uhhh (grimace), essence of crab.
uhh... what a crap!

Weasley got himself a howler (referring to the screaming letter Ron receives from his mom).
Weasley got himself a hi-lo

Go on Ron, I had once from my grandaunt once. It was horrible.
Go on, Ron. I only flew the ground once.

Captain: I spent the whole of summer devising a whole new Quidditch program.
Captain: I've spent my summer revising a whole new credit for maths.

You got a new Seeker (as in the position in the Quidditch game)? Who?
You got a new secret? Who?

... that Hogwarts had been founded over a 1000 years ago by the 4 greatest witches and wizards of the Age. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin
... (no subtitle)

The most hilarious dialogue in the movie:
"Grasp your mandrake and pull it out"