Freakin' Chhath Parva!

i support cultural diversity, but not this way.

U know this Chhathh festival? Well, I guess you have, if u read newspapers. But most of u's have not seen the ugly side of it. On the stinky bank of Bagmati river, beside poor Prasuti Griha (maternity hospital), and smack opposite of the river from our house, every year, they clear a portion of land and stick shreds of paper and cloths in angry reds, blues and whites, and gather for a cultural flocking-together. Anddd, the event is always marked with boisterous music (which is really an oxymoron, if we consider the phrase). I hate to repeat, tara these organizers clearly are harmonically raw. Imagine a hell where irritating, bleak songs are on auto play. And they are on repeat mode. All night long. Hmm? Now tell me, how annoying is that!

It is hard to imagine this, but there are worse segments in this seemingly 'entertainment' agenda. Open mic sessions are hosted where Bhang!ed individuals can grab the karoake mic and sing to Kishor Kumar songs. One particular number etched in my mind... 'Mere dil mein aaj kya hai...' (What is in my heart today...) If he was within my arm's length, I'd have clearly shown him Mere mutthi (fist) mein kya hai... Then I'd have stepped back to watch him totter and tumble around the stage with a black eye, visibly shocked at the unexpected reaction, amid awed gasps from the 'audience'. I'd gladly have volunteered to dip him in the chilled, brackish waters of Bagmati in that wee hours of the Lalitpur dawn.

Have you ever been slowly beaten with a heavy, dull weapon of some sort?
I did. Last night felt like it. Okay, the songs are not THAT bad. They're like those 70s and 80s songs. But the music goes on for the WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT. (sorry, didn't mean to raise my voice). And for now, lets forget those baseless prabachans/dissertations that are strategically put in the entertainment series as if for punctuating effects. Basically, the whole package was very unawesome. I'd hate to sound ethnocentric, but I'm compelled. Although they must be having a gala time chillin' with their own homies, I will not be able to relate to their enthusiasms.

This is not making me feel better... It seems there's no use explaining my vexisms. I am just stupid angry. ARRRRGHHH!!!

I have a Cold!

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, coz you can catch cold.
That's an age-old joke. But to me, it seems like cold catches me before I can even contemplate on catching it.
Here's my grabber:
Some flu-alluding silly rhymes:
You sneeze to a breeze and you snivel and drivel.
You sniffle and snuffle, whiffle n' be tousled.
You blow to make it flow, till it makes you low and slow.
You keep honking at your nose, and hawking at your throat,
till they hate you for your blows, and for the germs that u tote.
as your nose gets a congestion,
you get into a sniveling session
to clear of the mess, 'n
as if to learn a lesson
you concede to the coldification.

Cold's the worst affliction ever. For one, it's soo enduring. It stays with you forever.
Second, it is contagious, and so there is that guilt factor. You dont want to sit too near anyone. And there is a high likelihood that someone invariably gets cold from you, or at least pretends that he or she recently did.

Also, also- I don't smell anything. All I sense is burning smell of boiled potatoes. Ok, this is what always happens. First I get an itchy throat. Then it worsens to become a sore throat (what I refer to onomatopoeically as 'ghanti khyappa'), a flank attack on my tonsils. After that, the 'infection' spreads upwards and morphs into the phlegmatic stage. Then I catch cold. That's when things start cruisin' up and loosen up, and the nose starts getting funny and runny. And, to borrow another phamose joke, when feet start getting smelly, you have an upside down man (nose running, feet smelling- get it?).

The 'situation' sometimes degenerates into flu or para-flu. Or it might further worsen to 'Phlegma II' where the irritation descends towards my larynges, and I have to resort to taking antibiotics. Hmm. Why do I always try to gross you out?

My taste buds also take a serious beating. They literally get boiled or burnt out by the hot water that I either drink or gargle. Which reminds me. During the 'itchy throat' phase a few days back, I was doing gargle gargle to launch an offensive against the alien particles. So it was like... glarggg! glarggggle!gurrrrglegurgle!! glurgle glurgle!! Then my mom says... "HMM??". She thought I was conversing with her! Ok, not too funny, right? But then you should have been there. I was literally in coughing spasms.

So here are my nose woes and throat wrotes. Hear, my dear. Hark, its no bark in the park. Feel, you eel, as I kneel, its no easy deal, and takes to heal.

Ok, ok. I'll tell Simon to stop with the rhymin'. :)