Haa-Tshieu!

Do you know you can't sneeze and piss at the same time? Your brain says 'STOP PISSING!!! WE'RE GOING TO SNEEZE NOW!!!!'...
Coz your brain knows... you might just blow your asshole out!
-George Carlin

Yuck, huh?!

Speaking of sneezes, though... it does offer us a momentary pleasure-peak; like some kind of a minor orgasm. (Indeed, studies have shown that individuals suspended at 'about to sneeze' state do show remarkable facial resemblance with those experiencing a sexual orgasm). A good, hearty sneeze gets our vigor renewed. And its a good after-feeling, like you just got purged of all the germs in your body, that too in a natural way.

A mediterranean folklore holds that sneezing is caused by a mischievous elf, Sninzodopolous, who would lurk in the noses and suddenly pull nasal hairs of unaware individuals.

I'm lying, of course. Sometimes, when the timing is right, it gives me an alignment of thoughts. I sometimes suddenly see clarity. I have had times where I would be staring at nothing, get a sneeze, and suddenly rush to my workdesk and flip out my Financial Management book. I have solved case studies and have 'snapped out of it' after a wholesome Haa-Tsschieu. There are even instances where I have suddenly retrieved a long-lost memory after the divine episode.

Some people have signaturesque sneezes. Like my neighbor- he literally shouts it out. My sister does it in a row of three. Hers goes like: HatshieuooooooHatshieuoooooooHatshieuoooo... Some jerk their torsos and flail their limbs during the process as if their body cannot contain the expelling force. And I have met some people in the states who do it like it was nothing but a pocket of breath stuck in the throat- a polite, half-sneeze, followed by a 'excusez moi'.

I too automatically excuse myself after I sneeze. Where did I get that habit from? And what is the apology for? Depositing more germs in the atmosphere? That's where I got the germs/dust from in the first place, no? Then?? Still, spray in the face is unpleasant to acquire.

Which reminds me. Anjani and I came across this joke in Ekta Bookstore:
Q. When is it not an offense to spit at a man's face?
A. When his moustache is on fire.

Ha ha ha!!

He/She

He punches a code in his right kneecap,
And presses his belly button.
His right calf unzips open,
And three elastic balls dribble out.
Catching two with his hands
And the third with his mouth
He then turns to the girl.

Inserting the two inside her pockets,
And balancing the third on her nose ridge,
She vomits out a spoon,
And gently taps the ball with it.

The ball rolls upwards to the forehead.
Splits into two equal halves,
And begins spewing black spindles,
Which starts rooting into the skin
And become two bushy eyebrows.

Yuck, says he. I like the browless eye.
It's for me to decide, retorts she.
And besides, I also prefer a browless smile.
Huh? Asks he. What could that possibly mean.
The brow you have, jokes she,
Between your nose and your mouth.

Ahh, but this is a sign of virility, says he.
And besides, we shave them off if need be.

But that does not make any… she begins
But the balls in her jeans begin spewing spindles,
Tickling her and making her squirm laughingly.
And what in the name is that?
She says they are her bovine hiphairs.
Hiphairs I can comprehend, he says.
But why bovine? Then she says:
Well, they came out of your calf, didn't it?

Presently, he tugs at her hiphairs
Ouch, she squeals, why did you do that?
But before he can answer, her navel bulges out,
and she yelps laughingly in surprise.
Impossible, an eye! He says,
It's a digestive eye, she says,
It might come in handy during tummy aches

But logically, it should be something else
That reports. Not something that takes in stimuli.

Hmm, that's odd, she says, you're right.
So, she takes a deep breath, and keeps still
While the navel swallows the eye.
And as she violently breathes out,
He sees a belly button.

Ingenious Ideas!!

The Nepalese are coming out with multitudinal ways of demonstrations (Julus). Here are some interesting ones:

• Hatti Julus
• Dohori Julus
• Nangai Julus
• Mundan Julus
• Maun Julus
• Masal Julus
  
• Sanketik Julus
  

These are ingenious. Here are some that is guaranteed to offer additional values:

• Water Julus (Demonstrators carrying water 'jerkins')
• TV Julus (Carrying television sets)
• Money Julus? mmm?
• Acrobatic Julus (performing stunts like mobile human pyramids)
• Relay Julus (Individuals passing logo-bearing batons to others in different strategic locations)
• Crawl Julus
• Mobile Julus (oh, wait... most already are)

Money Wandering

The other day, I found a group of crisp, 500-denominated Nepali notes marching around the traffic island in front of Singadurbar, deftly sidestepping grabby human hands...

I have opened a quasi-discussion-topic in my previous blog about money laundering (no discussers yet). That was in India. Now let's talk about what is eventing in Nepal itself. This time, the focus is on Money Wandering. It will be prequelled later by another Blopic (Blog Topic), Money Squandering, which, incidentally, is a primal cause of the wandering phenomenon.

So?

what??!

Do you believe that money wanders in Nepal? Not so surprisingly, I do not have anything worthwhile to say to the matter, so don't ask me...

He he...

snort.

(I guess I should not even bother assessing my readership at this stage of die-out. But hope still lingers. There's got to be somebody who still want to be sillified...)

Money Laundering

It suddenly got me thinking that there is potentially a huge, attractive haven for money laundering practices in India. They thrive on inefficient procedural and regulatory machine.

The corporatized mafia underworld is quite advanced and organized in India, as is evident in some recent movies (Satya, Company, James, 'D' Company, etc.). In one instance, I was mildly shaken when I saw Satya being offered a place to stay after he gets 'enrolled' into the mafia organization.

For these 'companies', funds are procured (honoring 'contracts'), costs are incurred (hiring gundas), and profits are generated.

To exist in the context of the Indian regulation, these companies must brainstorm on how to launder money that they have earned through their various perpetrations. And they must be quite innovative in this approach, dynamically looking for different ways. They must always stay ahead of the regulators and monitors who are always trying to recover the criminal earnings.

One obvious solution is to launder it in the Bollywood industry. Picture this- a mafia organization produces a 3rd-rate, flesh-oriented movie, which cost 10 crores indian rupees. However, the real cost of the movie is only 0.5 crores. The organization hides 9.5 crores as a cost in fictitious identities in payrolls and contracts and shows false invoices. Therefore, even if the sales from the production breaks even with the cost, the organization has created a cost-free platform where it can launder 10 crores of money. The cost can be curtailed even less if the script is copied from Hollywood, and the song tunes are copied from tapping into the music reserves of the neighboring countries, or into old hindi songs. Now, that's an impossible return on investment in the legal scenario!

Maybe that's why actors like Salman Khan and Sanjay Dutt have close ties with the Indian underworld.

Another industry money launderers can parasite into is the rapidly burgeoning Indian entertainment industry (music, television). I mean, even the sky poses no limit anymore.

Am I right? Any viewpoints?

Drunken Gazal

Listening drunkenly to the lazed gazal tune, he turns a blind eye to the direct sun in his eyes. Even the fly perched majestically on the silk of his nodding tie could not get on his nerves. Sighing contentedly, he feels vibrated at harmony with the hum of the sensual female voice, and lets his hands float on the wafting wind.

When I am like this, he exclaims to himself, I feel as impulsive as a dog.

As if to prove himself, he suddenly breaks his momentum and sits down cross-legged in the middle of the road, his earphone still filled with sultry croonings. Not even to the whooshing truckload of policemen (that leaves his shirt and tie flapping crazily) does he decide to bother.

Gently, he realizes that he does not feel any necessity to reach his office today.